Thursday, December 15, 2011

breathe...

a little love

still two weeks until the end of the year, and yet today i reached a point where i just wished it was over already. call it end-of-year burnout. this seems to happen to me every December, but this year it seems my reserves have run dry especially early. i'll spare you all the boring details, but my regular job, my side job, a long list of to-dos, gift making & other holiday prep, a lack of 'fresh air' in these dark, cold days, and i'm feeling very run down and walking a very fine line between exhaustion and a full implosion, including the niggling feeling that if i let down my vigilance for a moment i'll get sick too. so at the end of work today i thought about just crawling into bed and not getting out till January.

but instead, i went and got a little fir tree. on these dark days (literally and figuratively), a few bloggers have been reminding me to pause and breathe, to revel in the glow of the season. thanks Maggie, Amanda, Tara, and i'm sure others too. that sometimes to-do lists need to go out the window. that expectations are not everything. that a little sparkle can illuminate the darkest days. i (and we) have never had a tree of our own. we spend each christmas eve at my parents' home, and have never felt the need to have our own bit of green. but today i stopped at a roadside farm with a large sign that read "any christmas tree $12" and picked out a small one just for us. i brought it home and nestled it in a garden pot with rocks for support, and hung my small selection of ornaments and a string of lights. and i plan to spend most of the evening just enjoying its glow. (oh and maybe watch a little charlie brown christmas.) i might make it through this month after all.

17 comments:

Margie Oomen said...

you will make it
i know you will
big hug
margie

erin said...

oh how i loved this post.

i am fighting overwhelm too, feeling like i created too many to-do lists for myself and am also struggling to help my littles with their to-make lists too. and i did get sick, though only a a mild cold.

the living room still isn't ready for the tree, but the tree is coming in anyways. tonight i joked to scott that when we are old and gray, *then* we will have the perfect christmas. for now i am embracing the joyful tumble, the chaos.

your tree sounds amazing, and i'm sure you will remember this sweet tree for a life time. when ours goes up one of the first things we want to hang are your urchin and starfish:)

xo

Jacky said...

Beautiful little fir tree. It is always nice to have a Christmas tree (especially with lights)...gives Christmas that bit of magic.
Enjoy sitting down tonight and admiring your little tree. It looks so sweet.

Jacky ox

Deborah O'Hare said...

I find it reassuring to know that I am not the only one feeling this way!
Thanks for sharing and thanks for putting some perspective on things.

Cozy Memories said...

so sorry K that things've been piling up
the end of the year is always busier than we plan/hope for
the balance is hard to keep
but somehow we always manage to go through everything
wishing you strength, peace of mind, and serenity
and sending you warm & positive vibes
xoxoxo

kate (littlehouse) said...

the pressure really builds at this time of year and I fully recognise your feelings of being overwhelmed. I love that your solution was to grab some green for your home. Happy first tree and I hope you find a few little pockets of peace in these next weeks :)

Tara said...

So glad that you bought yourselves a little tree, k. The light of a Christmas tree does amazing things to lighten the soul. At this time of the year, I always like to remember the peacefully lazy days that lie ahead during the season.

Laura said...

I hear you! I'm in limbo, farmsitting until Monday, then back to living with a friend, who put up an artificial tree... It's hard getting through the dark days, but they will be getting longer soon.

Focus on keeping yourself healthy - mentally and physically - and everything else will fall into place!

Maggie said...

I am sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed--I have felt that way too, this season. But I am glad to hear that you spontaneously decided on a tree! I always feel that bringing a bit of nature indoors like this during the winter months helps make up for the fact that I can't go out in it as much. It's too dark after work to hike in the woods, so I come home to my little glowing tree at home at least.

Michaelanneneal said...

Hang in there K...I feel the crunch too...the next few days are 12 hour shifts, which leaves me NO time to do anything..I feel that for women, this season is joyful...but unbelievably busy!! My husband watches football..and works out..while I am baking, and decorating, and wrapping..! Men..and dogs..they have the life! Your tree looks lovely..take in its light..and breathe.......

Netta said...

thanks for the reminder to breathe K! today is my last child free day before christmas and my list is a mile long. But I will stop for a moment cause my smart sister says its a good thing:)
Nice you got a tree of your own!

Dawn said...

It is amazing what a bit of green and lights can do... esp when you can't get out in it. Bringing it to you is a wonderful solution!
I have a vivid memory of our first tree. Still in University we knew we would be going "home" for Christmas but still wanted our own tree. Loved that little tree.
Sending light and love your way!
~Dawn

Anonymous said...

Thank you - such wonderful insight - healing/solutions start with acknowledgement. I love, how I always can learn from my daughter. ♥

Anonymous said...

Oh I am really struggling too - I badly underestimated how I would feel at this time of year and I have stretched myself too thin. These days it is taking nearly everything I have to get up in the mornings. Trying to bring the bright side to bear, thank you for posting, I don't feel so alone...

Annie said...

I'm not feeling overwhelmed with the season but completely get the feeling you're having right now- which you likely know. I feel a bit of relief reading your post! xx Thank you!

Anonymous said...

I can really relate to your post and the comments. In addition to the exhaustion and burn-out that oftentimes comes with the holidays, many people, including myself feel differently about the holidays this year. I think it is the unstable situation in the world with more war looming. In the US it is a frightening state with the passage of the National Defense Authorization Act. All the more reason to give hand-made gifts, gifts from the heart and hand. Your blog is a gift to us all. Thank you for all the love you put into this! It is such a gift whenever I see and read your blog. Have a Merry Christmas! And...take Vit. D3. It has kept me from illness for several years!

artist in the arctic said...

I know how this feels too!! Continue to be good to yourself, breathe and take breaks. It is almost over and solstice is tomorrow!! xoxo